Thursday, September 20, 2007

The Timely Demise of the Skank Ho?

It seems as though Britney Spears' comeback tour may have come to an abortive end before it began. Would that be too much to hope for? Personally, I'm wondering if this is a sign that the "skank ho movement" is dying out too. Paris Hilton appears to be getting the message, Lindsay Lohan is safely tucked away in permanent rehab, Janet Jackson has gone underground, which leaves Christina Aguilera -- who might be settling down, but even if she is a skank ho, she still gets by with more talent than the rest combined. Let's face it, aspiring to be a skank ho is a bit like aspiring to be a junkie's assistant, like aspiring to win a 100 yard dash against a snail, like aspiring to herd rocks, or aspiring to be the town drunk. Kind of a reduction in status from being a normal human being. So here's my crocodile tear for the demise of the skank ho movement. Long may it rest in peace.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Senator Craig Caught with Pants Down

Yes, he was attempting to diddle a Minneapolis airport police officer (male) from under an airport restroom stall. OK, maybe he's not gay. Maybe he's a pedophile tending towards the more mature young men. Maybe he's got very poor taste when it comes to illicit rendezvous venues. Maybe no-one (few at any rate) would care, except for his anti-gay voting record. Maybe I'm scandalled out enough to not care, so maybe I should just send out a crocodile tear to all those people who are still shocked and surprised by the two-faced antics of their politicians.

Rove and Gonzales:Two Fiends in Two Weeks

OK, maybe "fiends" is too strong a word, or maybe "fiends" isn't strong enough. Besides, one can never be too sure that Karl won't rise again in some ghastly new form, such as a campaign consultant for Mitt Romney or similar. Shy of a dousing with holy water and a holly stake through the heart, one can never be too complacent about him. But if I were the Democrats, I'ld find some way to clone or hire Karl. He has morals that would give a sewer rat pause, but he no doubt was effective.

Meanwhile, the AG is resigning (under the same cloud). Should we feel sorry for the guy who tried his damnedest to toss out the bill of rights? To eavesdrop on US citizens without warrant? To deny the right of habeus corpus? Should we care to where he shuffles off? I think not. Just keep on movin' lawyer man.

But just in case these two end up drowning in a vat of holy water or get skewered by a truckload of lumber, I am setting aside two crocodile tears for them in advance.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Lohan Attempting to Out-Abuse RDJ

Isn't it fun -- checking out what passes for 'fun' down in La La land (Los Angeles)? Lindsay Lohan is hell-bent on besting Robert Downey Junior's Arrest and Rehab record. With her family history of addictive behaviour, we think she might actually have a chance.

RDJ, long since retired from the 'blow and booze' scene is confident his record will stand, "I'm betting the best Lindsay's going to manage is maybe 'Miss Mono-Nostril of Malibu'. Even at the height of my drug use, people still knew I had talent. Beside's fake tits, what has Lindsay got? Give her a few more years of self abuse, her looks'll go and she'll be as obscure as any of the bag-ladies on Wilshire."

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Nuclear Industry Making a Comeback -- As is Godzilla

NOTE: This entry is about crocodiles, not crocodile tears, but it amused me just the same. Republished from

OK, this isn't really a freeluna story, but it grabbed my attention with some amusement. I read the story on Yahoo, but tracked it down to CBS is about the rare American Crocodile making its way back from extinction via the Turkey Point Nuclear Generating Station. This is a bit of a fluff piece since it was already mentioned by CSI Miami about two seasons ago, but the story goes on to say how nuclear power and nature can beneficially cohabitate, which in this instance seems to be the case.

As most know, CBS is owned by Westinghouse and the Turkey Point Nuclear Generating Station runs two Westinghouse nuclear reactors. This cound indicate that the nuclear industry (or at least Westinghouse) has detected a sea-change in the public opinion of nuclear power and is trying to jump-start a pro-nuclear movement via their news outlet. This wouldn't surprise me much, but I am a bit disturbed that the impartiality of the news has been compromised. Other news outlets, such as NPR, have also picked up on the story. I wonder if anyone else will wonder where this story originated.

P.S. Generally I beleive we will soon be moving towards using nuclear energy as our primary energy source in the next few decades. Given the pre-existing infrastructure, it seems unavoidable.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Entire Country of Pakistan: Apparently Still Nuts

Call me a narrow-minded turd, call me what you will, but large chunks of the Pakistani population continue to demonstrate a kind of intolerance that would give a Nazi pause. The above picture shows a group demonstrating against the knighting of Salman Rushdie. Aparently effigies of Sir Salman and the Queen were burnt in various places and the Pakistani Parliament almost unanimously voted (one vote 'nay' apparently) to declare Salman a 'blasphemer'. This is frankly embarrassing behaviour, matched only by the cartoon riots of last year.

As close as we get in the US, besides our generally abissmal foreign policy, is when our Congress voted to rename 'french fries' to 'freedom fries' in the capital building cafeterias as a protest of France's unenthusiasm for an Iraq War. (I sincerely wish our bellicose administration had bothered to listen to the French at the time.) Still, it was a lackluster protest to be sure. Not one single burning Parisian in effigy -- nor one single burning Parisian for that matter, not one single burnt french flag, no burning wheels of Brie nor a single smashed bottle of 1958 Chateau La Tour (thank you, there is a god). Just a ridiculous name change that if anything reminded the rest of the world that the United States is run by dorks.

Well, that's about enough whining out of me for now. Here are my crocodile tears for Pakistan. Now I think I'll go get myself a cup of cofffee, and maybe a nice rose of the Prophet Mohammad (PBUH). I'm feeling a bit peckish.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Fallwell/God Meet-Up

Apparently Jerry has gone the way of the dodo and the carrier pidgeon. Known for the founding of the Moral Majority; blaming September 11th on pagans, feminists, abortionists, and secularists; outting Tinky Winky; and generally providing the face of narrowminded bigotry in the guise of Christianity; "Doctor" Jerry Falwell left the building today. He is well on his way to meet his maker. Hopefully Lord Dread Cthullu, the one true god, finds a worthy snack in Jerry's corpulence and is appeased. For satiating the dark lord, I stick a finger in my eye and shed a crocodile tear Jerry's way.